Of all the things I have ever been, and imagine I will ever be, my favorite role, title and identity is that of mother. It is not easy. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. I remember playing dolls when I was young. I've always wanted to be a mother. I remember being pregnant, waiting to hold my child outside of my body, each time overwhelmed with the perfection of this tiny being and the love felt for them.
As a mother you learn the depths of love is always accompanied by a sense of mourning. Mourning the fact that they will get hurt and lose their way. Mourning the truth that every day you watch them grow you have to say goodbye to things. Goodbye to the chubby babe sleeping on your shoulder. Goodbye to the toddler with their own language of speech impediments and sing song voices. Goodbye to the preschooler who reaches for your hand, and always finds it. Goodbye to the midnight bed visitations, the lap crashing, the piggybacking, the cheek nuzzling.
But when things go, they come. The insight and intelligence of a developing person. The friendship of a person who whether they like it or not, is a lot like you. The emergence of an adult from that little body that you memorized the first time you saw it. It is exciting, gratifying and exhilarating. It's life at its best!
Motherhood has made me want better things, made me want to BE better..which I understand now is all my mother ever really wanted for me. There is peace in knowing that you cannot teach your child about the virtue of the world, their children will do that.
Motherhood is hard, I will love and mourn the experiences every day of my life. One of my favorite quotes on motherhood, "I love you so passionately that I hide a great part of my love not to oppress you with it." ~Madame de Sevigne.
Happy Mother's Day to all the women who know the truth in that quote.